This comment seems almost redundant. In fact, how could we live if we were not breathing? And at the same time, it is a fact that we don’t always pay attention to this life-giving mechanism on which we are so dependent.

I have spoken about the vital link that we have with our breath, and with our breathing before. It seems appropriate to revisit it here now.

Every day, I talk with people who are struggling to find a corner of peace within the frantic nature of their lives. So many of them feel that they are barely hanging on. I am noticing as well that many of us are holding ourselves in a rigorous vice-like stasis, bracing ourselves for the unknown hammer of change to fall on our heads. (I wrote about this in my last blog entry “2012, Apocalypse Or Not”)

Calculating the rate of bladder filling and hours before surgery, it was painfully obvious I would have to catheterize myself and penetrate the Three Gorges of Hell (see Act Three), hopefully, for the last time in this life time. I awoke early. Mission accomplished.

Trying to remain in a very positive mental state,I crossed the Hospital threshold at 0500 hours.

Being patient while the shift happens…

I know many people who feel that they are not ‘doing’ enough right now. They feel that there simply must be something that they should be actively engaged in, something that, in the ‘doing’, is working for the greater good.

Many sense that there is deep planetary change afoot. They can feel themselves perched on the cusp of a change. The change seems imminent. The change seems rather pressing. The change feels unavoidable. There is also a sense that whatever the change may be, it is more important than anything else that may have happened to them thus far in their lives.

IN GRATITUBE: A NIGHTMARE WEEK

Act three:

Time, in my mind, was moving at a different rate than real time. The reality of imminent surgery was circulating in my brain cells. Would it happen in hours or days?

The Doctor held an anatomical model of the entire exposed male genitalia in front of my eyes. While focusing on the plastic model and relating it to my own anatomy, I learned that a green light Boron Laser would be inserted into my urethra. Under the steady hand of the skilled surgeon, a beam would generate 190,000 joules of energy, turning my prostate gland to fried sweetbreads. The tissue would be melted to a liquid then boiled to a gas, and then finally vaporized inside me. Who would want to turn down that E-ticket ride? “Evaporate it!” I said. “When do we do it? I can’t wait too long. My bladder is already filling”. The doctor informed me that he would not be able to operate for a week because of a previously scheduled medical conference.

Hubby and I were in the mall the other day and came across an Apple store, so of course we had to go in and brave the crowds. I couldn’t believe how many people were there – mostly teenagers and young adults who were looking at the latest iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch or whatever (what’s with all this “i”, “i”, “i”, by the way?) for their coming school/university year.

Last week, here in Canada, there was a death that moved many right across the country… It was movement of the people’s hearts and minds in response to the loss of a man who believed in unity and fairness above all else.

Jack Layton was a father, a deeply affectionate husband, and a grass roots organizer, always bringing to the fore the true needs of some of the often ignored members of society (including women). His social democratic focus allowed him to rise in our political realm, from the position of city councillor in Toronto to the head of the New Democratic Party and official leader of the opposition as a Member of Parliament in our capital city, Ottawa.

What do you believe in?
What do your beliefs do for you?

Does it feel like your beliefs help you? If you changed some of your beliefs, would it change your life?

It is so comforting to have something to believe in. It is so rewarding to believe that we know what to do, and that we are making an accurate and valid decision. When there is a strong ‘reason’ behind a choice, we feel safe in making that choice. We feel convinced that what we do is ‘right’. We believe in what we are doing.

We celebrated my daughter’s Sweet Sixteen birthday with a weekend in New York City for just the two of us. One plan of many, squeezed into a short 48 hours, was to grab a cup of coffee and have breakfast near (instead of at) Tiffany’s. We got rained out, though. The rain poured down in buckets, pounding at our umbrellas as we waded down the street to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Around us, those that didn’t have umbrellas ran for cover. Looking at someone splashing by us, my daughter said, “Mom, do you know you get wetter running through the rain than just walking?”

Act one: Signs and Symptoms

I was absorbing the beautiful light of a mid-May dusk when my right kidney decided to gift me with a nugget made of calcium oxalate (a chemical compound that forms needle-shaped crystals and is a major part of human kidney stones). I was grateful that the diameter of the tube (Right URETER) from my right kidney to my urinary bladder was larger than the diameter of the needle nugget slowly slashing through it(me). The “passage” was still painful enough to bring me to my knees while causing involuntary emesis (vomiting). The pain subsided in 24 hours on a regimen of anti-inflammatory medication, increased fluids, rest and meditation. But I didn’t realize this episode was a harbinger of things to come. Two months into the future, I will be viewing this kidney stone and more on a CAT (computerized axial tomography) scan.

What polar bears and mammoths share with us…

We all have the tendency to express anger about certain things. Some things just push our ‘buttons’, making us want to react with angry words or outbursts of loud and aggressive behaviour. This anger usually feels justified. It feels as if we have the ‘right’ to be angry about whatever it is that has triggered our anger. And it also feels as if taking a ‘stand’ on the issue will solve whatever the problem is.

I saw this from an interesting perspective this week.