A search for truth? Does it feel like that is what you are on? The search for the truth of who you are, or what you are meant to be doing. Could it be that...
Fear of Leading a Yoga Class
Can you believe that even writing this title gives me the nervous shakes? I feel so uncomfortable about this topic, which is a true sign of fear.
You see, I am not a yoga instructor of any sort. I am a student. A student of yoga who had a vision of creating YogaHub because I knew only a little about yoga and wanted to learn and explore more with a community of like minds. This being said, I don’t feel I know much more at this point because I have just spent so much time working on the foundation of the site.
Our YogaHub Site has kept me so busy that I have not had time to actually physically go to classes. It’s been months and I ache to be back in class again. My priorities these days are my child, YogaHub, and my team’s well being.
Months ago, my partner asked if I would lead the team through a class. “Of course not,” I replied, “that is so dangerous! What if I misguide or mislead them? I am not qualified.”
Well, the team has been under some stress in the past few months. There have been a lot of deadlines that need to be met. The energy in the group was beginning to get stagnant. So what could we do about that? The holidays are creeping upon us and you know what happens then – everything work-related begins to slow down because people are busy shopping for gifts, preparing for all the festivities, and cooking up a storm, which in turn means food consumption starts to go up, etc., etc.
It made me realize that we had to initiate a shift – not in the New Year but NOW. So a few weeks ago, I began with one simple yoga session. My entire team showed up. Well, okay, it was part of their job to do so. My intent was to just get through a few Sun Salutations, which we did. We took it nice and easy, doing four sets in 45 minutes. It felt good to finally get the body flowing again, but I still didn’t feel adequate or comfortable leading this class.
The following week we did two days, and now this week we’re doing it every day – yes, that’s right – every day.
Am I feeling better about it? No. I continually place the “not qualified” judgment label upon myself. After class today, I mentioned to my team that I think I should go and take a few courses just so I feel better about what I am doing.
I recently read Tadishima’s blog (in MyYogaHub) about his first time teaching and how scared he was, even though he had just become qualified. Well, I totally empathize with him – and I am not even qualified. Thank goodness my team is not a paying group!
I guess I have to just get over it. The feedback has been good. They seem to be enjoying it. The cool part about all this is that the team’s energy has shifted. The energy in the office has shifted. This change I love! I just need to get over my own insecurities and learn to accept having to take the lead. One day I intend to take a certified course, just for my own journey and fulfillment, but until then I’ll just keep doing what I can and do my best.
[tags]yoga class, teaching yoga, yoga teacher, first class of teaching yoga, first time teaching[/tags]