Close Your Eyes

Trying to meditate properly or with some success has sometimes reminded me of a time when I was a teenager and wanting to see an image from an optical illusion. I remember staring blurry-eyed at a darn poster made up of a series of lines and dots, never seeing an animal or a flower emerge. Then someone just strolls by and says “Woah, did you see the cat?” Great. Am I looking at it incorrectly? Should I try it cross-eyed? What if I stared at it longer? No use.

So far, attempting to meditate is like doing that. I try to figure it out, and others get it so easily. I used to work at a company where we would occasionally start meetings by spending a few minutes to calm our minds and well, meditate. Someone would instruct by uttering these familiar words, “ok, close your eyes”, “take a deep breath”, “let your worries melt away”, “let go of the stress”, and so on. Each time this happens, I wonder if everyone around me is actually going to do this. Are they actually deciding to go into deep relaxation for a moment before our big meeting? Don’t have to twist my arm, I’m in. I concentrate on my breath or at least I think I am. Inhale. Exhale. Silence. Wait, I’ve got to check those 20 new emails. Stop it. Silence…Bugger, I need to call Michael about the final approval. Focus, Jane! Focus on the breathing. Wait, how long have we been sitting here?

Then, I open one eye to check on everyone. There’s always one person whose eyes are totally opened and patiently waiting for these few minutes to pass. The rest are enjoying this. I close my eyes again. I want to enjoy it too. Then, there’s a cough, a phone is vibrating, and someone is breathing through stuffy nostrils. A voice ends the session, “Ok, wasn’t that awesome?” It’s followed by yeah’s and “oh, that felt so good”, “best one yet”.

Huh? I’ll just have to set some time aside to do this on my own. I think I’ve meditated accidentally, like from sheer exhaustion, going blank and not wanting to think of anything. Everyone experiences serenity and inner peace differently. If meditation is anything like a good relaxing sleep until an alarm clock goes off, heck, I’ll keep on exploring.

[Tags] meditation, close your eyes, breathe, focus, serenity, calm, stress [/tags]