Do Real Friends Walk Away?
Over the last few months, my life has taken an interesting turn, one that has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. I recently lost a good friend. Now, before you start thinking that this person died, I want to clarify that she didn’t. She just decided that she did not want to be my friend anymore. It hurt. In fact, it hurt terribly, I actually think that it hurt more than if she had died. At least if it were a death, it would not have been a choice she made, but a circumstance. What hurt me the most was that she “chose” not to be my friend anymore. Now, while many of our mutual friends felt it was a problem with her, others thought it was a problem with me. I am not sure how she felt but my thoughts are it was both of us.
The way the friendship ended, “JUST LIKE THAT”, I did not play a role in — that was completely her. I honestly felt we had reached a disagreement and that our friendship was strong enough to endure it. Obviously, it was not. What I did play a role in, however, was my response to the friendship ending. I also realized that this was not new; I had actually gone through a few of these types of endings in my life. All of them played out the same way — I would be open with myself to a fault and, when they would walk away, I would be left feeling crushed and wondering what I had done wrong.
The reality is there is really no right or wrong in these situations, it is all just a matter of individual perspective. Through our yoga teachings, we learn that individuality is a key component. What I may feel in a pose may be completely different from what the person next to me feels, even though we may “look” the same in the pose. We may find that our breathing patterns vary from person to person and that we all react differently to the same instruction.
We also have learned that nothing is permanent. That the only thing we can depend on is for things to change moment to moment to moment. That the Universe is pulsating and changing all the time and so we must flow with it. This is not to say that losing a friend is not a tough thing to go through; it certainly is, and we cannot change the fact that some people will hurt us and walk out of our lives. But what we can change is our reaction to it. When we can learn to flow with our feelings, experiencing every nuance, we can gain a perspective that is much healthier, thereby making those times of loneliness and anger a little more productive for our psyches.
When we can stop looking at it as a defining moment and accept it as merely an experience that has happened to us, we can freely move into our true self. Everybody who comes into our life is there for a reason. I believe they are ALL here to nurture us in some way and to help us fulfill lessons that we are supposed to learn. It is easy to see when someone lovingly teaches us to ride a bike or bake a pie. With the tougher lessons, it becomes more difficult to see the nurturing. As in my situation. Sometimes the best lessons come from adversity. I am not a victim of my circumstance. I am simply on a path of self-observation and have been fortunate enough to have God give me great teachers who encourage me to be the very best I can be.
I have been taught that I am a child of God in a loving and supportive way, which has given me the strength to endure those lessons that have sent me reeling, such as this current one with my former friend. I know that I too am a teacher in the life lessons of those I come in contact with. Although my former friend may or may not realize it, I have also been a lesson for her. If she does not realize the lessons with each experience, she may be doomed to replay the whole process over and over again until she does. But that is something I do not want to do. I’m still not clear what all the lessons are, but I know I will keep searching for truths and hopefully lessen the burden of adversity through it. I do believe that, unless we learn from our experiences, we are doomed to repeat them. That’s not a bad thing if it is a great experience, but when it isn’t we certainly do not want to do it again.
So here we are, just a group of pulsating, ever-changing individuals with life experiences that will teach us and others life’s lessons. For every lesson, good and bad, I will still live in gratitude, faith, and hope of a bigger purpose. I simply refuse to believe that God just punishes us for no good reason. I know that there is a much larger picture that I will never see and that all things and all people happen for a reason. With some, we will find the answers and with others we will only have the search, but I do know that God puts us exactly where we are supposed to be every moment of the day for whatever reasons we may or may not understand. That is a faith that is unwavering.